Posts tagged LL
Last month, we paid ten rupees for a rickshaw
to the fortuneteller. We passed the market,
the school where S spent her childhood learning
sentences in Telegu. I was leaving
in the morning, and we longed to feel future
in our bones. Explore new things, Leo. Make way,
Scorpio, for good to come into your life.
Tonight in Hyderabad, men and women flock
to the fruit market, feet weaving among booths
of mangoes, baby bananas, pears. A girl
drops chapatti into hot oil. Beside
an alley dumpster, a man duct tapes a bomb
to his handlebars and inhales—as hopeful
somehow, as we’d been, preparing to make way.
think about these things:
does he challenge you
does he make you consider the deep things
does he make you a better person
i want to say something profound about beginnings and ends. i want to say something about the end - how scared i am of entangling myself with what i know will disappear. but i’m already entangled.
i wanna say something regrettable in the darkness of my car as i drive him home, a little drunk, chattier than usual. he asks me what i think about things, about people we know. he hears me. i hear this: don’t say that don’t sit with your elbow so close to mine don’t laugh at all my jokes don’t i am delusional this is nothing this means nothing my heart is not jumping from my chest into yours.
i’m always going for the joke because it’s easier than saying what i mean.
i hate that i’m here to focus on words and the words never come easily. i hate that i preach to my students the value of struggle and then give up when my struggle comes.
i just want to make something last.
to someone worth the secret.
COULD LL BE VISITING ME IN INDIA IN JUST A FEW MONTHS?
WORDS CAN’T EVEN DESCRIBE MY EXCITEMENT.
“ By the time we arrived in New York, or Texas, or Oklahoma, [or Roanoke], or [Manipal], or wherever, much was lost. ‘Your first discovery when you travel,” wrote Elizabeth Hardwick, ‘is that you do not exist.’ In other words, it is not just the others who have been left behind, it is all of you that is unknown. Gone is the power of punishment of your family name, the hard-earned reputations of forebears, no longer familiar to anyone, not in this new place. Gone are those who understand how you became yourself. Gone are the reasons lurking in the past that might excuse your mistakes. Gone is everything beyond your name on the day of arrival, and even that may ultimately be surrendered.”
It’s raining here, too.
p.s. I love you.